Email My Heart
October 3, 2009
Or just haphazardly shoot at it with pointy cliche arrows.
Much like this cheesy, ultra horrible 1999 Brittney Spears song from her debut album ….Baby One More Time (I know everyone wanted to know the background) emails from active matches on chemistry.com are just as bad. These are a few of my classic quotes thus far…
“Hopefully you don’t yip and pee everywhere
“
REALLY did you actually just type that into an email to someone you potentially want to meet in real life?? Attaching the statement with a smiley does not make it look any better. Please don’t compare the girl to a dog in the first email, save it for the break up thank you very much.
“I am excited over our asset management team finally moving my boxes from one geographic site to another.”
Well I am not very excited about your topic of choice because 1.) I have no clue what exactly you are talking about 2.) This is just as interesting as me talking about the amount of units it takes to undergo a standard root canal 3.) Wow, if this gets you excited I mean how could I possibly not want to meet you in person!
“You know that feeling you get when you see a cute little puppy and your brain breaks and you just sit there and blink a few times and are entirely dumbfounded. You’re sure there’s something you were doing, something you were going to say, and somewhere you should be. But you are entirely overwhelmed with the cuteness? Yeah, that was me with your photo this morning.”
I mean don’t get me wrong, I like a little bit of flattery now and again, but this just makes a girl like me want to run far far away, especially if you write this in the first email! It is just a tad bit creepy. Sappiness and cliches abound with this quote. Once again with the dog analogies, please stop, especially with a person who cares <>this much about them(I apologize profusely to dog lovers out there).
Needless to say this person is going into the inactive/archived pile.
My Short First Email Bullet Point Presentation:
*Always begin with a standard salutation not with a pet name such as cutie, sweetie, honey, baby ect..(that is just silly)
*Keep the email length at a minimum; please don’t write an entire page about the weather and how many sweaters/shirts you need to keep your body at an appropriate temperature setting. I just don’t care and I stop reading your email half way in.
* Less adjectives the better.
*Have your email convey a small part of who you are, we hardly know each other; just keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Please don’t thrust out all your crazyness in one long meandering email, I usually save my crazyness for at least the 3rd date.
Next post the inevitable first meet up and how you get there……
First date locales? Your worst, best first date? What was the latest email to bring you to your knees or left you with tears from laughing so hard?
